Bar Etiquette

GREETINGS...When we say "Hi, how are you?" if you're answer is Bud Light, you are fricken rude & you don't deserve to be served. I'm pretty sure you were raised better than that. 
 
PRICING...If your first question is "what's the cheapest thing here?" The answer is you. We are here to serve you drinks,  not to play 20 questions. If you have to ask, you can't afford it. If this might be you, go to Walmart for a 6 pack & go home to your cats. 
 
ID’s.....If it's your first time in a bar and/or you are 35 or younger, have your valid ID ready. If your ID is expired or cracked, please have a credit or debit card with your name on it to prove your existence. This is a bar not the fair, you will not win a prize by asking us to guess your age. It is the law that you must have a valid ID to drink in a bar, no matter your age. Bar owners do not create liquor laws but we must obey them & so must you. 
 
TABS....It is our policy to hold a credit card to run a tab. The only people we do not ask for a credit card are here everyday & we have their number on file. If you wish to become one of these VIP's, come often, tip well & don't give us s#!£ for asking for a card, ever. 
 
FREE DRINKS........ Do we give out free drinks for birthday’s and other such things? Sometimes but don’t ask or you will never get one. You want to know how to get one refer to above rule on tabs. 
 
NO SHOUTING!!....Just because you know our names does not make it okay to shout at us to get our attention. Wait  patiently & we will be with you shortly. By shouting at us, we lose our train of thought & it actually  takes us longer to get to you. Not to mention, it also ticks us off & makes you look like a lunatic. Also do not attempt to talk to us when we are at the register, we are concentrating. 
 
PACE YOURSELF....Unless it's your 21st birthday it's not okay to drink until you puke. Throwing up is for amateurs. It's disgusting & someone has to clean up after you...GROSS!! If you can't drink like a pro then don't try to. There is an enzyme in your stomach that breaks down liquor, men produce more of it. Girls you simply can not drink as much as the guys, sorry but you can't defeat science. So grab something to eat & drink water in between cocktails. Also eating asparagus before a night of drinking will produce more of that enzyme that breaks down liquor & will help fight off that hangover tomorrow.  
 
TIPS...To Insure Prompt Service. Bartenders make their living off of tips, we are paid a measly hourly rate that nobody could survive on. If you can hear your tip hit the bar you are being way too stingy, pull out a dollar cheapskate. If you can't afford to tip, then you can't afford to go out. Maybe you & that guy who asks how much every beer costs can go to Walmart together & split that 6 pack. Your bartender has the memory of an elephant, we remember who tips & who doesn't. If you are paying cash & carry then tip on every drink. Don't pull that line of "oh I'll tip you at the end" we've all heard that before & you never end up tipping. Try tipping at the beginning, I assure you the service will reflect.
 
Cheers!!!